I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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