that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
