bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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