Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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