my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
