Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
