Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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