Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
