You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
