some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Randomize
