I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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