I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
