all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
