I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
