Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
420 ftw
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
