her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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