i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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