...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
