I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
