I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I would fuck him just for his dog
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
