he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
