I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
