i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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