then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize