FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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