So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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