He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
