you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
