Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
