I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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