girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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