I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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