there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
