Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
