The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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