Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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