guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
