Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
