All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
