No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
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