I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
