Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
