Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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