I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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