Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
