im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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