These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
