whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
