Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
