Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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