That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
