I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
