woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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