So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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