I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm too high and old for this...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
