I just threw up on my dentist
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
honey bunches of taint.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
