census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
