Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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