I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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