went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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