I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
