Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
