Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
