just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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