I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you win again, gameday.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
