Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
