Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize