Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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