remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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