so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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