Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
