the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
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