i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
