sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
